You just never know when God's going to speak to you or what little thing He may use to help you hear His voice. Last night I was reading a book my wife had just finished and she wanted me to read it. It wasn't a book I would have ever picked up and read through without her encouragement as it is somewhat of a "Christian chick" novel with a female author and female main character.

In the story, the main character is experiencing terrible upheaval in her life as her husband becomes consumed by work (in part because she wasn't listening to his needs) and at the same time she is reading a journal of an ancestor of hers that she found in her mother's attic. In what I was reading last night the second storyline was set on a rural corn farm, and the young journal writer was about 14 years old. Her heart had just been trampled upon by a young man who had become her first crush, and she wrote that "my mama said that idols always have feet of clay."

Well, God was working me over last night. That is why it is only 5 a.m. here and I am finally at the computer writing this. I haven't slept much at all. Many would say it was just physical because one of the "idols" God reminded me of last night was my belly. Like the Cretans. Here we have for the most part been able to let go of good ol' fashioned food worship in some ways, simply because we cannot afford to eat out much and the food that is served is more often sufficient as opposed to decadent or succulent. But, at the same time, what that can facilitate is a certain desire driven "need" to go get some "real food."

Now, you will laugh at this paragraph because of the place where I ended up with my family getting such food. Whereas I used to be somewhat of a regular diner at places like the Palm steakhouse, great italian eateries, a number of great restaurants in Philly, DC, and other metropolitan areas, last night my whole family was literally abuzz with energy because we ended up in a Denny's. The kids were literally bouncing on the booths and excitedly reading their menus to find all the perfect pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, etc. I ordered a fabulous scrambler that had ham and jalapeno in it, but of course it comes with a huge helping of hash browns, and three gigantic pancakes. Heavy sigh.

Meanwhile, yesterday, we all went over to some friends' house here in Kona to watch our college alma mater play football. Yes, we are Arkansas Razorbacks fans. Woooooo Pig Soooie.... only, well, we lost. And, of course, while God was working me over about my food he also was reminding me of how much that game affected my mood...how my kids would never sit for 3-4 hours to watch a football game and, as they ran around and made noise, how quickly I was snapping at them to quiet down (all so I could watch a silly football game), which only got worse as our quarterback made one bad pass after another.

I literally felt like I was going to throw up last night. My belly was very upset with me for over filling it with greasy spoon (but very yummy) food, and God's still small voice was reminding me how quickly I could delight more in something sensual rather than spiritual. And, as He also tied that into my attitude around the football game, I heard that little 14 year old girl recording what her mother said, which was developed from God's word, that "idols always have feet of clay." Another heavy sigh..

For me, when I struggle through these types of conversations with God and my heart, I keep wanting to say, but, Lord, surely it is okay to watch football or enjoy a good meal. I mean, how weird do I have to become? Do I just end up holed up some where and only read the bible and pray all the time or what? Praise God He is so patient with us. He's heard that cry so many times from me. He reminds me that I am free in Christ, but that He alone is worthy of worship. If I let things of this world get between my worship and Him, I have erected yet another idol in my heart and am headed down that path of doublemindedness. Whether it is the god of sex, the god of food, the god of pride, the god of work, the god of family, the god of recreation, the god of laziness, all gods will fail me, be unfaithful, and have feet of clay. He alone is worthy of worship and He alone will do all things in accordance with His nature and character, which is defined by love. The heaviest sigh yet.

Lord, please help me keep my eyes on You so that I won't sink into the waves. Please help me seek first Your kingdom and allow you to be my delight. Tear down the high places in my heart and mind and give me the grace to offer myself as a living sacrifice to You every moment of my life.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17

HUMILITY

Loren Cunningham recently told me this: "Humility is choosing to be known for who you really are. Humility is transparency." Can you imagine the difference it would have made for Ted Haggard if he had chosen transparency for all of these years rather than having a secret that he kept in his heart? Can you imagine how it would change your own life if you lived a transparent life in Christ? The traps I've fallen into could have been so easily avoided. Oh, Lord, please give us hearts that honestly stand before you, recognizing who we are in You, unashamed and full of integrity!

This thought humbled me today. God commands me to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, always be thankful, always be content, to love, to forgive, to do nothing that impugns His character and nature. Yet, when I look into my heart I often find an angry and ungrateful heart, a heart that lacks contentedness, a heart that seeks his own rather than God's desires. I find myself grumbling when I feel slighted by another or when I don't get my expectations met. All the while I quickly forget God's command to rejoice and be thankful.

So, I'm trying to learn to be more transparent. I've found that I've got messages written on my heart that confuse sinful pride with feeling worthy of love because of the saving work of Christ. Please understand that as I try to put these feelings down into words I am afraid much will be lost because it is very difficult to describe with my mouth and mind what is going on in my heart.

Here is what I think I've come to understand. I often sabotage my own "loveableness" because I have this false humility that says I can't be worthy of God's or anyone else's love because if I feel that I am worthy of such love I am being prideful. So, I act in a way to sustain this belief, conducting myself in a way that validates my belief that I should be unworthy of love. This results in me feeling all sorry for myself because I believe no one loves me (or they really don't like me much because of my silliness), and, in desperation, I feel compelled to tell everyone how great I am because I do still need their love and appreciation. This results in people seeing me as being prideful and/or a person who doesn't need others and intensifies my feelings of worthlessness as the distance between me and others grows. Although I feel "glad" that I'm "not being prideful" I also feel miserable that I'm so worthless and that "nobody loves me." This is a vicious closed loop in my heart.

So, I like David, will continue to ask the Lord to find these offensive ways in my heart where I believe lies or partial truths rather than resting wholeheartedly on His perfect truth. Just like the song we all learned as children, "Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so...." "[T]he Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God." John 16:27. I need to represent more of God and His truth to my heart, meditating thereon and storing His words up in my heart like Mary. And, like David and Solomon, I want to continue to commune with my heart and let God do His amazing work of sanctification in my heart and life.

Don't lose your heart trying to save your mind; you will lose both in the process.

THE "HEART" OF THE BIBLE

I hate to troll for comments, but I am very interested in hearing from some of you theologians (and from those who aren't!) on this topic.


Clearly, we all have hearts. The dictionary defines it as "a hollow muscular organ of vertebrate animals that by its rhythmic contraction acts as a force pump maintaining the circulation of the blood." See heart. But is that really the "heart" of the bible? Heart is mentioned over 800 times in the bible, which is about 4 times more often than the mind is mentioned.

Did you know that God grieved in His heart? And it was all because of the evil of our hearts. Genesis 6:5-6. We of course are called to love God with all our heart and to keep His commandments on our heart. Deuteronomy 6:4-6. It is in our hearts that we develop pride and forget the Lord. Deuteronomy 8:11-17.

Fearful hearts are contagious. Deuteronomy 20:8. Our hearts can be circumcised. Deuteronomy 30:6. Drunkenness brings a merry heart. 1 Samuel 25:36. And King Solomon, when granted his wish, asked for an "understanding heart," and God granted him his prayer by giving him "largeness of heart." 1 Kings 3:9 & 1 Kings 4:29.

Solomon and David both had conversations with their hearts. Psalm 4:4 and Ecclesiastes 1:16. Imagine that, some might thing you crazy, talking to yourself that way. :) And we know that the pure in heart are blessed and that where we put our treasure our heart follows. Matthew 5:8 & Matthew 6:21. We can harden our hearts (Hebrews 3) and God can harden our hearts as well (Pharaoh). One last example is that the Word of God judges our hearts, penetrating deep within. Hebrews 4:12.

So, getting to my point with this brief survey of a few of the verses on the heart of the bible, what does this really mean? What is the heart of the bible? How do we talk to our hearts? How is it that only God can discern the heart and not even we, the "owner" of our hearts, can discern it? Jeremiah 17:9-10. We cannot even depend on our own heart; we must trust in Him alone. Have you ever studied the "heart" of the Bible? What do you think it means to love the Lord with all our hearts? What really is the heart???